Taylah, my poor eyes! Please make sure your font is ideal for reading. Some things you have done well: you used rhetorical questions to get me thinking, you used emotive language (especially effective is where you make me think of being stuck in a bath tub for life), you have good linking between your paragraphs and have made attempts at indicating your main ideas in the paragraphs. You have a strong second main idea. Your first main reason has a few main reasons mixed into one paragraph. It would have been better to develop on of the ideas further than mix them up. Next time remember to check the success criteria before posting as you have not cited where you got some of your ideas. Lastly, curious about the extra detail after your summary. What is that about? Overall, good to see what you are capable of independently. Keep up the good work and remember proof-reading is a developing skill
Sorry Whaea Lana I will change my font next time i use piktochart, I will take your advice for next time I write and the The last piece of information is about the first ever killer whale to be put in captivity she did not last very long:(
Taylah, my poor eyes! Please make sure your font is ideal for reading. Some things you have done well: you used rhetorical questions to get me thinking, you used emotive language (especially effective is where you make me think of being stuck in a bath tub for life), you have good linking between your paragraphs and have made attempts at indicating your main ideas in the paragraphs. You have a strong second main idea. Your first main reason has a few main reasons mixed into one paragraph. It would have been better to develop on of the ideas further than mix them up. Next time remember to check the success criteria before posting as you have not cited where you got some of your ideas. Lastly, curious about the extra detail after your summary. What is that about? Overall, good to see what you are capable of independently. Keep up the good work and remember proof-reading is a developing skill
ReplyDeleteSorry Whaea Lana I will change my font next time i use piktochart, I will take your advice for next time I write and the The last piece of information is about the first ever killer whale to be put in captivity she did not last very long:(
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